Happy 7th Birthday, Granty!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRANTY!

It’s hard to believe that Grant would be seven years-old today.  In my mind, I constantly run through various ‘what-if’ scenarios, and one common denominator in each scenario is a vivacious and gregarious little boy.  Although the void associated with the loss of Grant continues to be absolutely gutting, I continue to find solace in the perpetual evidence of the impact of his life.  I cannot ever understand why this happened, but I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason.  Grant’s life undoubtedly made me a better person and improved my life in ways I never imagined.

I see the impact that Grant has upon the personalities and characters within Alexa and Ani.  Alexa is a strong-willed and determined girl – a lot like myself, but she possesses a sense of compassion and empathy that I would love to have in myself.  I am sure the latter traits were developed during the time she spent with Grant, as she had to learn at a very young age about the implications of a sick sibling and the extra care that was required.  Even at the age of three years-old, I distinctly recall that Alexa NEVER complained about the attention Grant received; she understood and ensured that she too provided him extra attention and care.  Through photos and videos, Alexa is able to ‘remember’ Granty, and I’m sure she will continue to share these memories for the rest of her life.  She’s already decided one day her future son will have the name Grant – likely as a middle name – in honor of her beloved baby brother.  It’s nice to know his legacy may continue for generations.

Although Ani never met Grant – a fact that she finds very frustrating at times – she holds him in the same high regard as Alexa.  Ani has an energy level that is unsurpassed and has a no-nonsense firecracker personality.  Grant too had amazing energy – his legs were always moving, something that the oncologist confirmed was ‘just him’ and not a result of the tumor – that would be most certainly give Ani a run for her money.  Ani’s a tough, little fighter, and she seems to take challenges in stride.  She’s undergone countless tests to ensure there’s not an underlying issue for her small stature, yet she doesn’t complain and actually seems looks forward to her appointments at Phoenix Children’s Hospital.  She has no idea how much her positive attitude helps me, especially when we’ve made trips to a few of the departments like Radiology for which I have not so pleasant memories etched in my mind.

I also have some wonderful friends and family who continue to provide me love, support and wonderful remembrances of Grant.  This past weekend I had the amazing experience to participate in a six-person 82-mile relay comprised of two sisters – Karen and Terri – and three amazing girlfriends – Molly, Kathryn and Sara.  Molly knows Grant’s birthday, and she took the initiative to name our team ‘Grant’s Warriors’ in his honor.  It was extra motivation for me to do well during my legs of the relay, and I was overcome with emotion when Kathryn suggested we raise our water bottles in a toast for his seventh birthday after we completed the relay.  I could not have asked for a more meaningful day and better experience than the one I had with my sisters and girlfriends.  I am very lucky.

Ani’s version of heaven is comprised of Granty, Alstott and Mr. Bill (our wonderful neighbor who passed away late last year).  In that perspective, Grant is in a really good place…..

Our birthday tradition - a black & white Sprinkles cupcake -
was a little sweeter this year with the Blues' Game 4 win!

I could not ask for better sisters and friends - Grant's Warriors!
(Karen, Terri, myself, Kathryn, Sara, Molly)

Once Every Few Years

If someone were to ask me what I would love to do with two hours of free time, watching a movie would never be on that list.  I don't even watch movies during the 10+ hour transatlantic flights to Germany, as I normally work and/or binge-watch downloaded television shows on Netflix to pass the time.  I'm playfully known as 'The Never Seen It Girl" among friends and colleagues - meaning if people mention a movie, there's a 99-percent chance I've never seen it - and I take no shame in that title.  I would much rather run, hike or do something active than sit in a seat for two hours without any possibility of multitasking.

This weekend, I promised the girls I would take them to the movies, something I hadn't done since 'Sing' was released in the theaters two years ago.  So, after a busy Saturday of gymnastics, grocery shopping and a friend's soccer game, Ani, Alexa and I headed to the movie theater to check out 'The Grinch' that afternoon.  I think the girls could not believe it was actually happening - Mommy at the movies! - and both were going out of their way to make sure everything was perfect for this momentous occasion.  Ani asked several times if I knew my way to the movie theater, and Alexa was giving me the low-down on the various theaters in the area.  I struck down her personal favorite, the Studio Grill, and she didn't even bother to complain, as she knew what a feat it was just to get me to the theater.

Alexa took obvious pride in walking me through the process, so much so that I couldn't bear to detract by advising her that I actually did know how the movie theater process worked.  There's no doubt who's going to take care of me in my old age....  Alexa grabbed my hand and walked me through the entire process, personally escorting me to the ticket window and then showing me how to find theater #2.  She made sure to pick the seats, letting me know our necks would hurt if we sat too close.  Several times during the show, she leaned over to ask me if I was having a good time....I think she felt a lot of pressure to make sure I had fun. :)  I assured her I was having a great time (I really was) and was enjoying the show.  However, in my normal fashion, I was checking my watch, especially towards the end, and I popped up to stand as soon as the credits began to roll...1:40 was more than enough time sitting and doing nothing.

Every two years seems like the perfect cadence to me, as it maintains the novelty of the event.  The girls may have other ideas - especially when Toy Story 4 is released - for which I might have to break my cycle.  Maybe at that time Alexa will trust that I know how to buy the tickets, and Ani won't have to worry about my navigation to the theater....

The girls insisted on a selfie to document proof that I was in an actual movie theater!  Woohoo!

Change for a Twenty?

It's that time of year again, with all of the Christmas whimsy and fantasy.  These are not normally words associated with myself, as my logic and desire for explanations override any interest in magic and fantasy.  The past few days have put this lack of fantasy on full display....

Alexa had been driving me nuts for over a week, as she had a loose tooth that she'd been wiggling incessantly.  By Sunday night, she made a lot of progress moving it, but she never quite seems to have the gumption to get the tooth out by herself.  I decided to take matters into my own hands, so I donned a latex glove and within a few tugs and pushes, the little tooth was in my hand.  Since Alexa is nearly ten years-old, the Tooth Fairy is a character of the past, but nevertheless, Alexa wanted to put the tooth under her pillow and let the 'Tooth Fairy' take it.  I should have contemplated the Tooth Fairy thing before I insisted on pulling the tooth, as I realized at 10pm that I only had $20 bills in my wallet.  Craps.  Alexa is way too old to think a quarter is cool or that she can buy a lot with $1, so I proceeded to dig through every drawer, wallet and coat pocket in hopes of finding a $5 bill.  No luck.  Eesh.  There was no way I was going to leave two sleeping girls to run to the grocery store for cash back, but the Tooth Fairy is way too classy to leave a Post-It with "Change for a $20?" or "IOU" scrawled on it.  After going through my wallet one last time, I stumbled upon a Target giftcard from a 'giftcard with purchase' promo.  Perfect!  However, I realized I could not see how much was on the giftcard without scratching off the validation code, and again, the Tooth Fairy is way to classy to leave an obviously used gift card.  So, Alexa awoke the next morning and was happy to see the giftcard.  She immediately noted that there was no amount noted, so she asked me how much it was worth.  I could only tell her, "Most likely $5, but maybe $10....you'll have to see."  Yep - I'm definitely not cut out for these make-believe roles.

Alexa also had begged me to ensure the return of the infamous 'Elf on the Shelf' versus my last year's decision to skip the Elf and go with a more practical Lego Friends Advent calendar.  I thought the idea of building a Lego winter scene over the course of the month was pretty cool, but apparently it pales in comparison to a rather peculiar looking Elf doing who knows what.  So, Alexa's persistence won me over, and the Elf made its return on Sunday.  Yay (sarcasm) ;)

However, I am having a little hope for my beloved Ani girl, as it seems the apple may not have fallen too far from the tree.  As my mom loves to recall, I figured out the Santa thing in Kindergarten and forced her to confess to everything.  My logic was alive and well at five years-old, and I am happy to report the same seems to apply to Ani.  She is not a fan of the Elf, and honestly has no interest in finding him each morning.  While Alexa excitedly shows her the Elf each day, Ani simply responds with an "Umph..."  She's said (or screamed, depending on her mood and how early it is in the morning) on multiple occasions, "You are the Elf" and insisted "The Elf isn't real!"  I will not be too devastated if she does not buy into the Santa fairy tale, but unfortunately it seems that I'll be having to maintain the charade to appease Alexa until she's in high school.

Finally!  Another baby tooth gone....

Six Years Later

The Thanksgiving holiday was a wonderful one for the girls and myself.  We had a great time in both Milwaukee and Chicago, and all of us enjoyed spending time with my siblings and their families.  It was a very painful morning for the girls – not simply due to the 6:15am wake-up – but also the fact that they had to return to normal and leave the fun of proximity to family behind.  I think a trip back to the Upper Midwest in summer will be on our agenda….

Compared to the sub-zero temperatures of last year’s visit, the weather was cold but a marked improvement.  Between ‘Just Dance’ games with their cousins in Milwaukee and some amazing food, the kids were able to enjoy some time outside, and Alexa especially loved walking the Holzen’s boxer Cassius.  Alexa fell in love with their dog, I was expecting her to derive a plan to market him as an emotional support dog so she could bring him back to Arizona.  The weather also boded reasonably well for checking out a German Christmas Market, Downtown Chicago and ZooLights at the Lincoln Park Zoo during the Chicago portion of our trip.  The relationships my girls have with their cousins is great to see, and of course, my time with my siblings and their spouses is one that is way too few and far between for me.  The girls and I are so lucky to have wonderful family that’s only a 3+ hour plane ride away.

Despite the great time of the weekend, the gravity of today still hits me hard.  It is hard to believe it has been six-years to the day that Granty passed.  Both girls continue to talk about their brother – Ani is mad she never met him – and cherish his spirit.  Alexa’s love for giraffes and the special meaning behind them is something that will never wane, and she knows anything with a giraffe is a likely “yes” if she asks me to buy it J.  There has been and always will be a piece of my heart missing, but I take solace in the legacy that Granty has left, knowing especially that Alexa will ensure it continues.

Enjoying out time together in the city....

Our amazing hosts for the holiday events.

I still think about the turkey drama that these two helped

to resolve (the grocery store not having my order for a fresh turkey)

during the Thanksgiving at PCH with Granty. 

Wonderful memories despite the circumstances....

A Welcome Delay

Although my work-related travel can become tedious and exhausting at times, there’s no doubt that I enjoy the benefits that are afforded by the frequent travel.  Our Thanksgiving trip to Milwaukee is the perfect example….

I knew I was pushing my luck when I booked a flight leaving PHX around 7:30pm, not arriving in MKE until close to midnight.  While party girl Ani has no trouble staying up late, the routine and structure that’s embedded in Alexa makes this a lot more challenging; 10pm is really an extreme for her…  Much to my dismay, I checked the flight status in the morning, and the flight was already delayed 2.5 hours, not scheduled to arrive in MKE until 2:20am.  Oh dear – this would create a chain-reaction event of poor sleep that would have ramifications for the entire weekend.  

I decided to take a chance and call Southwest to assess my opportunities to rebook, not expecting there would be too many options since the flight was merely delayed instead of cancelled.  Well, thanks for my A-List Preferred status, the agent rebooked us on the first direct flight in the morning – a 7:45am departure, at no charge.  Despite the early wake-up, seemed like a marked improvement versus the middle of the night option.  

This delay gave the girls and I the opportunity to have a fun and relaxed night – no gymnastics and I let Alexa miss ballet as planned.  So instead of hanging out in the airport waiting hours for a delayed flight, the girls and I hit up the library, mall (had to get warm, fleece-lined leggings for Ani) and Nordstrom Café for dinner.  Both girls were sound asleep by 8:30pm in anticipation of the early morning wake-up starting around 4:45am for them.

Their enthusiasm for the flight this morning was palpable; both girls popped out of bed as soon as I told them it was time to wake up.  Both were so excited for this trip to Milwaukee and Chicago, and Ani gleefully shared her geography knowledge by proudly sharing that both cities are in North America. 

The airport this morning was a breeze, as the 7:30am flight time seemed to dodge some of the morning rush.  The biggest challenge of the morning was schlepping Ani’s car seat from the parking garage to the Southwest check-in.  Other than that, we encountered no lines nor waits for check-in nor security.  Since I know the airport well, I was able to map out our plan for breakfast and the less-busy Starbucks run near the international gates, just a few moving walkways from our gate.

Not a bad start to the day at all….we’ll see how I feel later tonight when the early wake-up comes full circle ;)

My seasoned travelers.....

A New Chapter

I honestly never expected to write another entry in this blog.  As I've learned many times in life, things don't always turn out the way you expect, and it was the subject of so many blog postings herself - Alexa - who asked me to resume the blog after she learned about its existence.  It is pretty remarkable to go back and see how well-documented several years of her life are.  This blog was the opportunity for me to stop, pause and make the most of each day.  Alexa read just a few postings and was hooked....she loves to hear NeNe (my mom) tell stories about her childhood, and I could see Alexa's eye light up as she realized she has stories - and pictures - of her own.

So much has changed since the last posting, but there's one thing that is still the same and underpins so much of what I do...the love I have for my girls.  Our dynamics continue to evolve, and I can say whole-heartedly that my relationship with each is stronger than it's ever been.  I am lucky, happy and blessed, and the girls and I feel the best is yet to come.

I had to laugh when I saw the blog posting from nearly three years ago, as the scenario from that day is still topical today.  Practically deja vu.  In preparation for our trip to Milwaukee and Chicago, I spent the weekend shopping for winter clothes for the girls.  Athleta for Alexa to take advantage of the 20% off sale, and nearly a half-dozen stores for Ani to try to find pants that fit her skinny, little body.  Ani asked me last week if I could buy her jeans with pockets, as the denim-like jeggings don't trick her like they did in the past.  I found one pair that may fit her - fingers crossed - and it's at the top of the try-on pile as soon as I see her again Tuesday.  Nothing like a last-minute rush to find clothes that fit on the same-day as our flight.

I am hopeful that I can resume the blog on a regular basis to meet Alexa's request.  I hadn't looked at the blog in years until I told Alexa about it, and it was fun (and a bit sad) to look back at some of the postings.  Alexa, Ani and I could not stop laughing after we resurrected this photo below...that face!  While I haven't seen that frightened look from Ani recently, Alexa still has that exact same expression when we play the 'Make Me Laugh' game.  Somethings never change.....

This picture - from Ani's newborn session - never ceases to entertain.  Alexa's tough girl face is priceless!

Nearly five years later....definitely more normal faces, but Alexa is still a protective older sister.

Sisters

With an arduous work travel schedule for the past few months, my weekends have been much less about relaxation and more so about trying to cram a week's worth of activity - laundry, grocery shopping, etc - into two days.  Despite the long weekend, this one has been just as busy as usual with family pictures scheduled for Sunday afternoon.  With my two sidekicks in tow, we headed out to Alexa's swim practice followed by an afternoon of errands.

I was on a quest to find a pair of jeans for Ani to wear in our family pictures.  At face value, this seems like it should be a relatively easy task, but not with this little peanut.  Ani is extremely tiny for her age, so trying to find jeans that fit proved to be an impossible task.  We tried Target, Carters, H&M and BabyGap, but even the 'Mini Skinny' jeans at BabyGap were way too big for our skinny mini.  Despite trying on a least 10 pair at BabyGap, Ani stayed in great spirits and thought it was a lot of fun to entice me to chase her in the large fitting room to try on the next pair.

Since Ani was still in a good mood, I couldn't resist the lure of a 20-percent off sale at Athleta and decided to push my luck and stop in a quick look.  Of course, I found a few things to try on but the large fitting room that would accommodate Ani's running stroller was occupied.  Alexa offered to hang out with Ani from the comfy lounge chair immediately outside my fitting room, and since they were within two feet of me, I figured it would work.  It was probably the best decision I made all day.

It was both comical and sweet to listen to the two girls as I hurriedly tried on my selections.  Alexa was a perfect doting big sister, looting the diaper bag for snacks (I think she ended up eating most of them) and speaking in silly voices to make Ani laugh.  I'm not sure everything Alexa was doing, but she had Ani giggling hysterically in her great baby laugh.  As I tried on my last hoodie, I could hear the employees commenting how wonderful it was to have that moment of levity in the day and admiring how sweet Alexa is in the big sister role.

When I made my way to the checkout, the cashier commented that the sight of my girls had made her day.  She said the love between my two girls was very obvious, and it made her want a sister (she was an only child) to have a relationship like that.  It was a very hectic day and afternoon, but a comment like that is another reminder of how lucky I am. :)

A little blurry, but my favorite image of the girls from a wedding last weekend.
There's no doubt they love each other.